The Goonies: Race To Trapped Pirate Treasure

Hey you guys, today’s topic is the 1985 Goonies film. There will be friendship, romance, shenanigans, Rube Goldberg’s, and more.

Quick Summary~

It’s the Goonies’ last day of hanging out together before all of their parent’s homes are bought by the country club. So they decide to have one last adventure together to find the treasure of One-eyed Willie. Their adventure guides them to the Fratelli’s hideout. Underneath the hideout are tunnels, booby traps, and more. It’s a race between the Goonies and the Fratellis to see who will find the treasure first.

Comments while watching

  • A prison break right away 😁😁
  • Oof that would not fly these days
  • Eating saltine crackers like this is another day
  • Cheerleading in the 80’s
  • Poor Rosilita
  • Perfect character introductions
  • Smart to use a car race to get away
  • Canadian tuxedo
  • Oh no they’re leaving 
  • Mouth don’t be a bully
  • Rube goldberg machine number 1

Data joins the party

  • Shut up mouth
  • 🤣🤣
  • Mouth’s translations
  • How do you screw up anatomy you share
  • Oh no not the mess
  • Ewwww
  • Butterfingers 
  • Where did Mouth learn Spanish 
  • Lore drop

“Booty traps”

  • Chunk doesn’t believe either he said it to be nice
  • Any more of the Goonie adventures?👀👀
  • Patronizing 
  • Chunk walked through the closed screen door 🤣
  • Feet dragging 
  • Wet bum
  • I love this song. It was made for the movie. The music video has a battle between Cindi Lauper and the baddies
  • Smart move 
  • Points for looking like you tried to free yourself 
  • Why is your friend ok with Troy trying to look up your skirt
  • We already know Troy is a dinglehopper now we’ve confirmed it
  • Data how do you know what drug dealers look like 

Skipping to the front door 

  • Darn no soda pop
  • Italian is similar to Spanish
  • Mouth🤣🤣🤣
  • Sure yell about the car with bullet holes 
  • What did she give them 
  • How did you not see the kid in the bright yellow jacket 
  • Tension
  • Why would you not wait until you’ve made sure there’s no kids
  • Well deserved  

Wouldn’t fly today

  • Oh come onnn
  • Totally missed your face 
  • Chunk rage🤣
  • Welcome to the Goonies
  • So close Data
  • Failed perception check
  • So loud 
  • How do all of you forget Chunk
  • Take off the backpack 
  • Oh noo
  • Not her glasses she can’t see anything without her glasses 
  • Poor Chunk
  • Blinded by the light🎶

Time to go

  • Didn’t even try to lie
  • Confession time 🤣🤣
  • Andy it’s ok to be scared but now’s not the time to get hysterical 
  • Rube goldberg number 2
  • 2nd dead body 
  • You’re not going to read the candles you found
  • Booty traps
  • Time to run
  • 80’s aesthetic: sweats under short shorts
  • Hot take: bats aren’t scary
  • One of you are enjoying this the other two are wondering what you got yourself into 
  •  Why are you being mean to Mouth for no reason 
  • Was it the wish to stay together 
  • Why can’t he have ice cream 
  • Can the Goonies not hear Troy right now 
  • Rescuing Andy doesn’t mean she has to do anything for you 
  • Pointing a gun at her kid
  • Motivational speaker feat
  • Can Troy not hear Mikey 

Screw your courage to the sticking place 

  • Misunderstandings
  • Sloth is such a good character but the way he’s treated wouldn’t fly these days 
  • Rube goldberg number 3
  • You’re fine
  • Those teeth must be super strong 
  • The creatures are a reference to Gremlins 
  • Ah yes the men’s room 
  • Whoops 
  • Where’d they get the rope from 
  • Shhh
  • Time to go
  • Yes through the skull 
  • Data do you have hand sanitizer 
  • I don’t want to know what makes Data’s shoes slick
  • Shooting isn’t a good idea
  • Obligatory 
  • Skeleton piano is something I wish more movies did
  • It’s all coming back to me now 🎶
  • Come on Andy it’s all up to you

Goonies always make mistakes 

  • Handy
  • Good thing the floors gone
  • High tension music
  • Best part is this water slide
  • They found the pirate ship
  • So many skeletons 
  • Poor Data
  • Watch your step but immediately falls 
  • Rube goldberg number 4
  • Meeting one eyed willie 
  • I don’t think he was expecting you specifically 
  • You met your match
  • Maybe he was born with it, maybe it’s maybelline 
  • Look at all the doubloons 
  • The hardy boys 🤣🤣
  • Let him fight
  • Pirate swords🤣🤣
  • Had to get rid of the gun somehow 
  • Too suspicious Mouth 
  • Andy have you never had to tread water?

Heyyy you guysssss

  • Sloth gets to be the hero he’s always admired 
  • I like the music in the background 
  • Wow brotherly love 
  • R o m a n c e
  • This relationship is sad. Mom’s trying to save her skin. Sloth wants to be loved 
  • Overboard with you!
  • Checking if you’re alright before going back to pummeling each other is peak sibling energy 
  • Rube goldberg number 5
  • Good thing you didn’t light your candles earlier 
  • Awww data gets his inventing from his dad
  • Wow character development from mouth
  • Little kid- i mean person 🤣🤣
  • His lil ear wiggles 🥺
  • Troy don’t be a prick
  • That helps one of you not all of you
  • If all of them are telling the same story there’s gotta be some truth to it
  • Bye one eyed willie, safe travels 
  • Back with the theme song for the credits

The Goonies as Dungeons and Dragons characters

Data is an artificer, pure and simple. Probably an artillerist subclass if I had to guess.

Mouth is a bard who uses vicious mockery and cutting words regularly. College of Lore subclass.

At first, I thought Mikey was rogue since he loves traps. Actually, Mikey is a ranger with the spell pass without a trace and a passion for elaborate traps. Favored terrain? Underdark. Favored enemy? Undead. 

Chunk is a barbarian. Not the brightest crayon in the pack but has a heart of gold. Battle cries which make me think of raging.

Brand is a monk. Sloth is stronger than the Brand who works out regularly which makes me think he’s a dex fighter.

Sloth is a fighter because he admires the action heroes in his pirate movie so much he became one.

Steph is a wizard. Her most notable trait her sarcasm and intelligence. Hard to say what subclass since she doesn’t do much besides being afraid of bats, losing her glasses, and being a semi-ok friend to Andy.

Andy is bard. She can be a college of eloquence bard with a piano as her instrument of choice. Or she could be a peace domain cleric. I like both ideas.

What I would love to see if the Goonies was rebooted:

Note: I don’t want them to remake the original movie, it’s too good and I feel like it would be ruined. I liked the idea of a sequel movie but I have a different idea. How about a tv series about the other adventures the Goonies could go on. They mention it in the movie. Don’t give it to Netflix, they’ll make it too dark. In the Goonies movie, they talk about people dying and seeing skeletons but none of it is scary. The real reason I think the Goonies are so likable is because of the friendship between the characters. There’s comedy and romance and shenanigans.

So many shows with a demographic towards a teen/adult audience are dark and scary and way too sexy and I don’t like it. Keep the wholesomeness of things like Mikey nerding out about One-eyed Willie and not being made fun of for it. You can take out the parts where Chunk is made fun of for his weight (or do one better where there’s character growth and Chunk stands up for himself and sets boundaries). Also, do better with Sloth’s character.🥺

Final Thoughts

Thank you for reading my take on The Goonies, I appreciate it. Comment below what you think of a Goonies reboot. If you like what I do, consider subscribing to my mailing list and if you want to watch something similar, click here. I’ll see you in the next post!

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